Like… Actually Everything!
When 3 leading Voice Actors joked about making a game based on the idea of being able to “Date Everything” some people may have been shocked, confused, intrigued or appalled, but the madmen at Sassy Chap Games; Robbie Daymond, Ray Chase and Max Mittleman asked themselves this same question and explored it to raunchy, borderline ludicrous extents.
Date Everything starts with an all too real scenario, moving into a new home, starting a new job role and… then immediately being rendered obsolete thanks to the onward march of AI. We’re then anonymously gifted a special pair of aviator glasses via drone which allow us to Directly Acknowledge a Thing’s Existence, D.A.T.E. DATE! What follows is a wild ride through a fairly nice, extremely well furnished suburban home now full of potential flings, friends and foes. The Date-Viators (the sweet sunglasses) allow us to talk directly to anthropomorphised characterisations, or gijinkas, of furniture, objects, trinkets and even stranger things like the concept of shadows themselves!
The game plays out as a home exploration/visual novel hybrid, with each “day” consisting of 5 chances to talk to different “dateables” and trying to navigate the social intricacies of trying to build a friendship with your fryer, date your dishwasher or become bitter enemies with your extractor fan! Without your fancy Date-viators, you can walk around the house, open doors, rattle boxes AND crouch! Then, when you adorn your Date-viators, there are 100 individual characters, some of which do reoccur, like our good friend, and doorman, Dorian. Each time you animate a door, Dorian will appear. Similarly, each time you animate lights you’ll see the same character and so on. A large part of the game is finding the characters, like a wacky yet romantic easter egg hunt that culminates in an emotional journey.
Now you may think that with so many love options to create that some of them may come across a bit one note, but set your fears aside. Each member of the cast has a real background, personality and many have trigger warnings based around their personality, be it Language, Sex, Violence, Other. But rest assured, this game does not have any X-Rated content, just a foul mouth and a dirty mind – All of which can be skipped based on your comfort level.
Visually the game is fine, the assets are well rendered and the textures are pretty great. Date Everything doesn’t look like a bunch of Unity assets and the home you spend the gameplay in is really nice to navigate and explore, but what would a dating game be without its stunning cast?
100 “Dateables”, 100 unique designs, and bucketfuls of creativity is exactly what SassyChap delivered. Every datable character has a unique, fun design, sporting fun visuals relating to their furniture/ object counterpart. Take The Hanks for example: A group of 5 extreme sports bros, all named Hank, that are your clothes hangars. They wear sport jumpsuits, with athletic lines shaped after different types of hangars. Then we could look at the junk adorned tat drawer Jerry, adorned in clips, cables, and other forgotten niknaks. The designs show their personalities perfectly, and the expressions are nothing short of charming.
Collectors should be pleased to hear that there are unlockables in the game too, from extra rooms, to little icons and alternate endings for each of the dateables! They even come with achievement like hints which add to the romantic scavenger hunt we’re on.
Also, we can’t be the upholstery seducing savant without upgrading our S.P.E.C.S. Social stats that improve through conversations with your many… frenchable furnishings.
Musically, the game is pretty neat, with relaxing music that changes throughout the day and depending on the mood of the conversations, but the real star here is the star voice cast. Industry veterans like Dante Basco (of Hook and Avatar: Last Airbender fame) Matthew Mercer and Laura Bailey make their appearances while the edgiest VA of the edgiest characters, Aleks Le, slithers out from the shadows! It’s quite astonishing the number of actors they managed to get for the game and the line reads are fun. A lot of thought seems to have gone into the characters, with some VAs tending to be typecast, but it doesn’t feel like they’re disappointed with it at all.
The full voice acting on all dialogue (minus the player) is a real blast, so try not to play the game on silent!
Date Everything does suffer from some minor stuttering at times and in some cases it’s a little hard to find everything you need to get into certain sections/ areas and sometimes there can be an input delay in conversations, which can break the flow of your play sometimes, but it’s nothing game breaking.
Verdict
Date Everything comes with hours of fun, snappy joke-filled writing, 100 unique characters, 2 additional DLC dateables, and with a file size of 4.7GB it fits snugly on the Nintendo Switch™ system. It plays great in portable and in docked, meaning you can enjoy your furniture flirting wherever you feel most comfortable. Curl up with your very own Betty, and enjoy the smooth, sultry jazz of the Love routes, or maybe learn some dating lessons for yourself while you chat with Dante the fireplace… in front of your fireplace! The choice is yours, and in the meantime; DATE EVERYTHING!
Where to Buy
- Amazon UK
- Price: £27.00
- Link: https://amzn.to/4ltFvtU
- Nintendo eShop
#AffiliateLinks – Prices correct at time of publishing.
Credits
Written by Luke Young
Edited by Mark McAllister and Jen Griffiths
Graphic Template by Paul L. Russell
A copy of this game was provided by the publisher for this review.